How To Think Well Even If You’re Stressed Or Angry

By Ahsan

“You have power over your mind, not outside events, realize this and you will find strength.”

Seneca

Imagine a moment when you felt a lot of tension and stress. Perhaps it was during a meeting at work, after reading an unpleasant email, or just missing the exit on the highway, causing you to be late.

Each scenario just presented would have caused your mind/thinking to look for an immediate solution. Your reactions at the moment would be very natural, wouldn't they?

The quality of that solution, however, may have been anywhere from okay to excellent and perhaps downright awful. The best solutions to problems rarely come from frantic and upset states of Mind. Instead, they come from a calm mind.

Calm Mind > Calm Thinking > Good Solution

This is how you will access an excellent solution to any problem that causes you stress or upset. When you are tense and upset, your access to high-quality thinking is diminished, even extinguished. It would help if you stayed calm. Period.

The problem is that the Mind, when upset, does not necessarily think straight.

Your upset Mind may throw several ideas at you, and that is when you might say, "I can't make up my mind." Or you may be stuck in the emotion of upset and say, "I can't think straight!"

Your Mind generates your solutions to problems and produces “well-considered thoughts” that either become good solutions that dissolve the upset or play havoc on your emotional wellness because the thoughts are reactionary and low-level.

That’s why there is a saying: IN CASE OF EMERGENCY STAY CALM!

The Paradox Of Less Thinking

Life has many paradoxes, one of which is that the more you think, the less you find that thinking to help solve your problems. I bet you have always seen high-quality solutions to your problems when you were removed from the situation a few hours or even days later.

That separation in time often leads to amazing solutions popping out of nowhere in your Mind. It’s as if when the dust settles, clear thinking presents itself when you least expect it, often when you are busy doing something relaxing.

Perhaps your relaxed mental state while going for a walk, taking a shower, playing with your dog or just staring out the window, watching the world go by, induced the magic of the Mind to offer a good thought/solution.

So, now that you agree that the best solutions to your problems come from a calm mind via clear thinking, how do you do it during that upsetting meeting, unpleasant email or being late from missing that &%* exit?

Here is how:

You need to practice awareness of your emotional state. Just notice the upset or tension coming up through you. As you do, say to yourself, I am getting upset, but I will not fly off the handle or run around like a chicken with its head cut off. Tell yourself I need to stay calm so my inner wisdom can surface.

As you read this, you might think, " This guy has no idea what he's talking about!” How can anyone be so present of Mind when an outside event they have no control over upsets them?

My response is you can say that if you like, but the fact is your reactions come from your response, not from the event that causes stress or tension.

Suppose you are mad, upset, or angry because of an outside event or person not behaving in an ideal way for your liking. In that case, it is only you who is reacting.

It's like the alcoholic saying that some person X drove me to drink. That is not true. The alcoholic bought the bottle, poured it into a glass, put it to his lips, opened his mouth, swallowed it and went on to finish the drink. They could have just as quickly resisted the low-quality thought and done something more effective than drinking.

You and I need to practice staying calm through conscious awareness of our emotional state so that our inner wisdom can eventually surface.

Try thinking less and relaxing more.

The gift of thinking operates very well. Are you?

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Create Your Own Legacy

By Shazad

“The life you’re living—that’s the only monument that counts. Who you are in this moment, how you treat people, how you treat yourself—that is the real legacy.

And it’s passing you by as you read this.”

Ryan Holiday

As a person ages and approaches their senior years, they start to think about their legacy. Some people get concerned about what will be said or written about them when they are gone. Other’s worry about the assets and money they have accumulated to hand off to the next generation. What if we could ensure a good legacy while we are still alive? It is possible.

Let start with a definition. I like this one for Legacy:

“the long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life.”

The above clearly implies that what we say and do become part of our legacy which is great news! By making better choices of what we focus our time on and things we engage in, we are created ripples in time while we are alive and these will hopefully, continue spreading after we are gone. Doing good things and participating in good causes with others on consistent basis is a great way to create a positive impact. We can even schedule things like a monthly donation to a cause, quarterly volunteer exercise, or daily check-in with family or friends to make sure they are ok.

If we want to make even more impact and thus have a greater legacy, we need to work in teams and communities. We can recruit our families, relatives, and friends in our efforts so that the impact is multiplied and we have engaged multiple generations of people across a diverse section of society. Hopefully, some of these people will also engage their circle of friends and relatives and do the same so that the benefits continue to multiply in all directions. Having group events to help some new immigrants or job seekers is a great way to do this. Scheduling blood donations with colleagues at work or from the community is another easy way to recruit people in a cause.

The third way to craft our legacy is to talk about it frequently with people we care about so they know what we are trying to do and why. It’s not about showing off or acting superior to others. It’s about inspiring others to be part of the good things we are committed to and also encouraging our network of friends to consider what legacy they are leaving behind so they can also design their lives with this in mind.

Legacy is not simply material possessions, wealth, or fame. It’s the hard to grasp things like feelings, Love, memories, and good vibes we send out when we are around and even after we have left this world. By focusing on our values and desire to do good while we are alive, we get to shape the legacy we are going to leave and ensure its’ an accurate story about our lives. What will your legacy be?

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What Are The Key Qualities Of A Successful Entrepreneur?

By Ahsan

I knew that if I failed I wouldn’t regret that, but I knew the one thing I might regret is

not trying.”

Jeff Bezos, founder and executive chairman of Amazon

Entrepreneurs are often perceived as fundamentally different from the average person, exhibiting distinct characteristics and behaviours that set them apart. They are known for their willingness to take risks, desire for autonomy, and their ambition for unlimited financial success. 

This ambition is not just about money, it's about the freedom and opportunities that financial success can bring. They also aspire to create a lasting legacy for their families.

What truly distinguishes entrepreneurs from others is their unique mindset: thinking differently and act on their thinking.

Their thinking drives their actions and shapes their approach to life and business. Entrepreneurs are intensely focused on their goals, displaying unwavering dedication, and a relentless pursuit of success. They possess a resilience that propels them to overcome obstacles, work tirelessly, and consistently strive to build something meaningful that aligns with their values and identity. 

“Show me a person who never made a mistake, and I will show you a person who never did anything.”

William Rosenberg, founder of Dunkin’ Donuts

Entrepreneurs view life through a different lens, constantly seeking opportunities for growth and innovation. They embody leadership qualities that attract and inspire others to follow their vision. Entrepreneurs embrace challenges as opportunities for personal and professional development, always striving to create a better future for themselves and those around them. 

Their mindset drives their success, setting them apart as individuals who are not content with the status quo but continuously seek to impact the world positively.

“What do you need to start a business? Three simple things: Know your product better than anyone, know your customer, and have a burning desire to succeed”

Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy’s

One of the most admirable traits of entrepreneurs is their willingness to support and mentor others on their entrepreneurial journey. They see life as a collaborative adventure where they can empower and uplift those around them, fostering a community of like-minded individuals committed to creating a better future for themselves and others.

Being an entrepreneur is not for the faint of heart but nothing worth doing is ever achieved by thinking alone. Those who think courageously into action by default think into success!

If this article inspired you to continue your journey as an entrepreneur or to start that rewarding journey, please share it with your friends and family.

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How to Avoid Regret in Life

By Shazad

“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes.

Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.”

Paulo Coelho

Regrets are an unavoidable part of life, regardless of your health, wealth, or wisdom. We can learn from today's seniors and their experiences to avoid having major regrets later in life. Let’s dissect some key regrets to steer clear of these pitfalls in our own lives.

Regret #1: Other People’s Opinions

Many people waste their lives trying to please others and live up to their ideals of a good life, following trends, and seeking approval from their peer group. This approach is a recipe for failure.

Solution:

Decide for yourself whose opinions matter. Identify the 5-10 people whose thoughts and approval hold weight for you. The rest of the world’s opinions don't matter as much. Even within your trusted circle, feel free to disregard ideas that don't resonate with you. Write your own story and become your personal best, rather than living someone else's life.

Regret #2: Neglecting Health & Well-Being

It's easy to let our bodies and minds deteriorate by consuming unhealthy food, being lazy, and engaging in negative habits.

Solution:

Commit to your well-being. Think about what you want to achieve without pain, strain, or complications. Create patterns, routines, and daily habits that reinforce your well-being. Respect your body and mind; they will carry you far in life.

Regret #3: Ignoring Learning and Growth Opportunities

Solution:

Seek out opportunities to enhance your knowledge, wealth, and happiness. Take small chances frequently to gain confidence and learn from setbacks. Plan big goals and take calculated risks. Push yourself often, risk failure, and embrace the lessons along the way.

If you want to avoid these major regrets in your senior years, take a hard look at where you are in life and where you’re headed before reaching your senior years. It’s never too late to turn things around and live a more fulfilling life with fewer regrets. An extraordinary life awaits!

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Who Is Responsible For Your Success?

By Ahsan

You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that, I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.

Maya Angelou

We live in a world where we can see certain people enjoy very high levels of material success.

The names of billionaires are now household names.

Many people are held in high esteem because of their various achievements and success.

Regardless of who is successful and how they became successful,

have you ever wondered, how they became successful at what they do?

Is there a sort of recipe for success? Is it available for all to copy?

What is ultimately the reason for someone being successful or being the opposite, however, you want to define that?

When we look at how successful people achieved what they have, we may come to one of two observations.

One would be that through good planning and hard work, they earned it.

The other would be that from being at the right place at the right time, in other words getting lucky, they became successful.

Getting lucky is how lottery winners tend to become successful but the reality of life is that those who plan and work hard on their plan, starters, finishers, and action takers WIN the title of being called truly successful.

Not only do such people earn their success, in my books, they deserve that success!

If you and I are to be successful, we should take personal responsibility and expect nothing from anyone.

Any lucky breaks, wonderful upbringings, education from institutions, or street knowledge should be considered opportunities and bonuses, but not guarantees of future success.

There are plenty of people who had great childhoods, gold and pearls thrown at their feet and happenstance but due to their limited thinking, they never made it to the winner’s podium.

In order to be successful, let it be known as a fact to all and sundry, that your personal thinking is 100% causative!

You are 100% responsible for your success.

The thoughts you dwell on and place in your mind shape your life’s experience and results!

The plans you lay for yourself, the dreams you dare to dream, and the ultimate action on your plans and dreams will only ever come from your thoughts.

When people talk about positive thinking, getting rich by thinking, or being in the “now”, they are knowingly or unknowingly pointing to this phenomenon of thinking!

We have been given the gift of thinking.

Become aware of it.

But use it as the powerful force and tool that it was meant to be.

Allow it to grow into a positive force for your success.

Be grateful for this gift of thinking. Our Creator is our benefactor indeed.

You are a thinker.

Let your thinking reveal the path ahead, as you pursue the most awesome life possible.

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What is The Sum Total of Your Life?

By Ahsan

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.”

St. Augustine

We are all travelers on the journey of life. We may have different stops along the way, but our destination is going to be the same.

Here is what I am getting at, whether you are rich or poor, tall or short, successful, or not, you will one day be no more.

The time between now and then, or even from the time you came into the world until then is therefore the sum total of your life.

So if I may get you to ask yourself this question, what is the SUM total of my life?

In other words, given that your journey has not ended, what do you feel you have done, become, and achieved?

The point of this personal inquiry is not to come to a conclusion or judgment of how great your life has been so far, but rather to look at the entire start-to-end journey as one of adventure as compared to going to an all-inclusive resort where everything is laid out for you and planned with minimal surprises or wonder.

Might you and I with the power of this inquiry become inspired to view our life in a completely different light?

They say that the universe is some 14 billion years old and here is you and I appearing in it at this point. We must appreciate and give urgent attention to our brief appearance at this stage of life. Otherwise, whether your life has been one adventure after another or just one damn thing after another as Mark Twain commented on “life”, you may not get a chance to savour it because it will be over soon.

The total of one’s life can probably never be calculated but if it is audited from time to time, the life we do get to live should be more Awesome!

Dear friend,

And with this, I wish you: “May the road to the end of your journey become more inspired, strengthened, and fulfilling!”

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What Are You Really Striving For?

By Shazad

“And that man will have nothing but what he strives for;”

Holy Quran 53:40

“If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable.”

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

It seems like everyone is working on something or working toward something. Even those just trying to get through the day have that as their goal. When you stop and think about it, that’s all of us. The thoughtful question that arises is, “What are you trying to achieve?” Surviving is an acceptable short-term goal, but it's no way to live a life. Just trying to make it to the next dawn is neither inspiring nor fulfilling. So, what’s it all about?

It's important to have goals and milestones in life to find happiness. Some people are focused on material success, fame, and wealth, while others are more interested in personal growth and fulfillment. Whatever your perspective, it's crucial to regularly evaluate whether your approach is working for you. What made sense in your younger years may no longer be relevant as you get older. It's perfectly normal to change your goals and priorities as you mature and gain new experiences, so you can better align with the person you are becoming each day.

Here is a method to examine your current life and engage in some self-reflection:

1. Consider your daily routine and outline your objectives for the next month and the year's end.

2. Review the goals you set at the beginning of the year and their corresponding timeframes.

3. Identify areas in your daily routine that need improvement to be in line with your intended vision. Remove unnecessary activities and incorporate new ones to expedite your goal achievement, if feasible.

It might seem simple, but each of the three steps mentioned above can be quite challenging to contemplate and journal about. However, it's important to do so, as it's a great way to gain insight into your life and make necessary changes. Without regularly assessing your life, it's difficult to know where you're headed and why you're doing what you're doing. This can leave you feeling lost and directionless, which is not a desirable way to live. By clarifying things for yourself, you can take control of your direction and decide where to go next and how quickly you want to get there. Open your sails and let the wind guide you in the right direction. Take the helm and embark on the new adventures of your choosing!

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Most of Life Happens After School

By Shazad

"Don't GO through life, GROW through life." 

Eric Butterworth

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”

​Louis L'Amour​

It's that time of year again! School's out! No more classes, teachers, or books for most students, from elementary school to university. It's all done, and it's time to enjoy summer vacation! Soon, all the school years will pass us by as we finish our diploma or master's degree. Maybe you'll go for a Ph.D. or two? And then you're done, right? It's over! Or is it? It can be much later for some people to figure out the basics of actually living a good life even if they have achieved a PhD by the time they are 25. What’s going on here?!

The truth is that formal education at the primary, secondary, or higher levels is just the beginning. We acquire basic tools and develop good habits to learn academic material, socialize, debate facts, and solve known problems. The Art of Living is truly mastered when we encounter unfamiliar obstacles, experience stress in ways we hadn't imagined, and face situations where the answers are not readily available in the back of the book or the teacher’s special notes.

Life occurs between school hours and after we graduate from the esteemed institution, whether we are dressed in our finest clothes or graduation attire. This post-education period is when we can put into practice what we have learned. We showcase to both ourselves and the world what it means to accomplish tasks without the pressure of pop quizzes and routine homework assignments.

The SHIFT hits the fan because we change into a more advanced routine that is going faster than school and that may not have fixed hours to be taking attendance or raising our hand to answer questions. We have to design our lives for a new reality and find ways to manage our time on our own. We get to figure out which books or articles we want to read and what thoughts we want to write in our free time - as limited as that may be.

It’s glorious and scary at the same time. It’s what we always said we wanted and sometimes a bit stressful because we get the full taste of what we asked for! It’s ultimately worth it because this is our time and the best time to Live Awesome!

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The Best Self-Care - Tip for Summer Break

By Ahsan

Have you ever felt like you are doing things for everyone else and wish you had time to do something nice for yourself?

We all get so busy taking care of others that sooner or later we begin to feel that our own cup cannot fill any any other .

So what should you do if you find yourself in this common situation?

The “problem”, is that helping others is who you are and it gives you such a good feeling and this prevents you from stepping away.

Perhaps, the best thing is to carve out sometime for yourself, where you do something at least once a week that you truly enjoy just for yourself!

Let’s call this the best selfless self-care tip of all times!

Ask yourself questions that will point you towards things that you probably should do but have not been doing for Numero Uno.

Here are a few questions:

What do you absolutely love doing outside of work?

When you have 10 minutes to yourself what do you find yourself , wishing you could do, be or have?

Who do you get lots of energy from simply by being in their company?

Where do you find yourself to be happiest in terms of a location?

How often are you doing any of the above?

The first few questions should generate a list of a few things that ring for you and the last question should point you to the conclusion that you must make time for these things so you get to enjoy life too.

While we get a giver’s high when we help others in our lives we might reach a point where we realize that we never prioritized ourselves too!

This life is not a rehearsal. The act must be played now before the show is over.

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10 Life Lessons For All Ages

By Shazad

“How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself?” 

Epictetus

I’ve lived over 50 years now and have a son that I enjoy spending time with. There are a few life lessons I have learned that I want to share with all those who are youth and young adults. Whatever your age, I hope that you will at least consider these points for your own life’s journey.

1. You have to be clear about what you want and then ask for it confidently and humbly. Be prepared to hear a lot of “NOs” but look for a few answers of “YES” also coming your way. Make the best of both of them!

2. No one is going to care as much about your health, spiritual condition, and success in life as you. Don’t hand over the steering wheel to anyone else. Drive your path and care for your whole being - mind, body, and soul as you travel through life.

3. Life is not always fair so don’t expect it to be. Just make sure you behave with the right intention and right conduct no matter what. That’s what matters in the long run.

4. Many of the “Old Ways” of eating, moving, and living are the best ways. Wake up early, go to bed when it’s dark, eat moderate amounts of food, move around every day, and be consistent in your habits. Don’t look for magic pills or too many hacks.

5. Comfort will kill your progress and success in life if you constantly seek it. Make plans to be uncomfortable and learn how to wrestle with this regularly so you don’t become fat, lazy, and dull.

6. Learn what “Enough” is for you and how to enjoy it. Don’t constantly look around at what your friends, neighbors, or random people on YouTube have. You don’t know how much they have or how they got it. Lots of fakers and pretenders out there as well as criminals that you don’t want to associate with.

7. Take time off and don’t work all the time. Make long weekends if you need a break but can’t take a week off. Go for walks in nature or a local park at least. Make sure you schedule fun times, vacations, and family dinners so you truly enjoy life.

8. When you are working on something, know the big WHY behind it. Why is this important and WHO does this matter to? This will give you motivation to get things done and keep you going when you have doubts about the process.

9. Make sure you laugh each day with family and friends. Share jokes, and funny pictures, and make silly sounds if that’s what it takes. Just make sure you enjoy some comedy.

10. Be the example you want your friends, family, and kids to follow. Live each day with sincerity, compassion, and the realization that you are a work in progress. Seek constant refinement and growth through self-awareness of what kind of person you are. Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be today and in the future.

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Do You Own Enough Golden Days?

By Ahsan

“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”

Marcus Aurelius

There is a vast opportunity that lies at your feet. You just have to pick it up.

It is indeed a GOLDEN opportunity!

If you think you already know what I am talking about, allow me to blow your mind.

All of life is experienced one day at a time. The day you have before you is the only day you can know because tomorrow may not come! Make today count!

Such realizations are always sobering and inspiring in a memento mori way, but let's look at what I'm getting at.

I want you to realize that today is a GOLDEN DAY!

• Each day is gold, a 24-carat gift with 24 golden hours

• Each hour is studded with 60 diamond minutes

• Each minute is surrounded by 60 ruby seconds

Suppose you realize a day wasted is like losing your favorite gold jewelry. In that case, you may never let it get lost again, just like when you misplace something valuable and feel relieved when you find it. Living with the recognition of the Golden Day concept will create a Golden Life. Dare we say, an Awesome Golden Life!?

Many things go into a Golden Day. The fun part is you get to decide. What constitutes a golden day for you? Is it when you enjoy a walk in the morning or that first sip of coffee? Does it include having a great conversation at the water cooler? Is it the sense of community you get when you play Pickleball? Is it about being productive and useful to others? Is it cooking for your family and tucking in your child at night?

I am not one to pursue physical gold and store up riches at the expense of living a golden life, but ever since I discovered the Golden Day idea, I have become more careful to make the day count!

If you like the idea of the Golden Day- and why wouldn't you?- here is what you might want to consider to have more golden days or only golden days for the rest of your brief life.

Define your Golden Day: What activities, people, routines, and mindsets make your days golden?

Make a list from the above called My Golden Day! Print it; frame it or carry an index card in your pocket.

Add an alarm notice five hours before your sleep time that chimes with the message: Golden Day? This will be your daily reminder to assess if you added a gold nugget to your pouch of life’s treasures.

Spread this article far and wide to anyone you know searching for a more Awesome Life!

Don't let another day go by without making it Golden!

Do it your way and remember the Winner's Poem by Moe Norman:

Winners live each day as if their last.

Not in the future, nor in the past.

And that "someday" becomes now.

That's the way we live…NOW!

You're here today…Live!!

You may not be here tomorrow.

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How Many Good Thoughts Do You Generate In a Day?

By Ahsan

“Good thoughts make a person happy and that person lives a happy life!”

Arthur Notknown

Every man, woman, and child has one common human quality: they THINK.

All day long.

That voice in our head constantly keeps us company and generates our thoughts from the time we wake up until the time we wake up the next day. Is this true for you?

How much time do you spend thinking? Good thoughts?

We all desire to live a happy life. But it is easier desired than done.

Some days go very well because everything is going our way.

But there are those other days, and you know what they are like. Nothing seems to be going your way; on top of it all, it affects how you feel!

How can we blame ourselves if we do not feel happy when things disappoint or upset us?

But what if you realized that regardless of what is happening around you or to you, you can feel happy or at least not unhappy?

What if you could press a button instead of letting your buttons be pressed so that you enjoy a light feeling all day long?

This button is your thoughts. If you were to think of an elevator with buttons going up or down, you should always press the up button of your thoughts.

We feel "up" when our thoughts are focused on the positive side of things. To the extent that we spend time in negative thoughts, our feelings go down, down, down.

If this is true, why would you, anyone else, or myself spend needless time feeling stress, tension, or upset when we know there is a universal mechanism at work?

This ubiquitous mechanism is that you generate thoughts, and this thinking produces feelings in you. It happens moment to moment for every human being on earth, which becomes your life experience, minute to minute, second to second.

This is THE Realization that needs to be realized: your thoughts produce your feelings!

What you think creates your personal bubble of reality.

The content of your thinking is the factory of your reality!

What you think, you feel!

Ta! Dah! This is your mental life in a nutshell! Your well-being resides in knowing this--What you think, you feel.

All that is waiting for you to come to this realization. The sooner you realize that if you spend more time uplifting your thoughts, thinking happy thoughts, and dwelling on the positive, you will not only live in well-being, but you will also enjoy life with a lighter, happier, and joyful feeling that will last day in and day out.

Here is an insight: your "not good" thinking obscures the brightness of life just like clouds block the sun's radiance.

Here are some ideas to keep you focused on spending your time thinking good thoughts:

1. Resolve that this should be your default setting. Only press the Up button on your thought elevator.

2. Check in with yourself several times a day (for example, five times) to be aware if you are feeling up. If you are not, that is a clear alarm bell that your thinking is down.

3. Practice the above so that it becomes your ingrained brain pattern. Our mind has great wisdom, but it needs to be trained.

4. The true keeners reading this article should also know what needs to be truly realized and understood is: That you think, not just what you think. Get it? It's one of those in-plain-sight but hidden things about life that is in plain sight! (May I suggest you ponder this point and reread it?) I would love to know if it makes sense as I am expressing it.

So spend time thinking only good thoughts and banish the unhelpful and unnecessary thoughts so you live an Awesome Life.

And remember that life is not a rehearsal; it is short and should be sweet.

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The Benefits of Strolling In Nature

By Shazad

“In every walk with nature, one receives far more than he seeks.”

John Muir

I love going for walks in the park near my home. During a recent lunchtime stroll with my son, we saw the usual birds, squirrels, and people walking their dogs. It's always enjoyable to spend time outdoors and notice these things. On the way home, just to the right of our walking path, we spotted something extraordinary. It was a beautiful Red-Tailed Hawk that had just made a successful hunt. We watched it from a distance and I even took some pictures. It was an incredible experience to see such a magnificent creature up close.

In some cultures, seeing a hawk up close is considered a blessing and a possible sign of guidance or wisdom from the divine. Whether or not you believe in such things, there's no denying that spending time in nature benefits your mind and body. Whether you're observing the usual park visitors or something rare and magical, being in nature is always special. I encourage you to plan regular outings and keep your eyes open for something extraordinary - you won't regret it.

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Have You Ever Been Close To Tragedy?

By Ahsan

“The tragedy of life is often not in our failure, but rather in our complacency;

not in our doing too much, but rather in our doing too little;

not in our living above our ability, but rather in our living below our capacities.”
Benjamin E. Mays

There are two types of people: those who have been through tragedy and those who have not yet been through it.

Imagine yourself consoling a friend going through a tragedy or profound loss. What you might say to them is one dilemma, but what are you saying to yourself?

You might think, "I wonder how I would react if this happened to me and I hope it never does because it can't be good."

This exact situation and contemplation was popularized in a 1997 hit song called The Impression That I Get by the Ska Punk band The Mighty Mighty Boss Tones.

If you don't know the song, here it is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIGMUAMevH0

Don't be surprised if you like it. It has a catchy tune and speaks to the depth of your soul. We all know that life is unpredictable, and we sometimes fear what may lie ahead, knocking on wood and praying for strength to get through it. That's the impression that I get.

A larger question that comes to my mind, perhaps yours, is how do people get through tragedy?

Some stories we hear or experience are quite serious and unfathomable regarding how people get through them and still live normal lives. Many people unfortunately never "rebound" or "settle back into life"; instead, they decline into mental depression, self-medication with alcohol or drugs, or they become disillusioned with life. Broken and unable to continue the human journey.

Yet others go through the unimaginable storm and rally! They show what may look to be superhuman ability and often cite the help they got from their Higher Power.

There but for the grace of God, go I.

I would love to hear your tips or ideas on how to face such life moments and events.

I could offer my own advice, but the point of this article is to solicit your help. If you personally or through others know ways to get through life's toughest scenarios, please share so we can help others with a future project that Shazad and I are working on.

The more we can lean on each other and help one another, the better we can use this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity called "living your best life." Send us a quick reply to the following address: shazad@kingsquillpublishing.com

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Why Systems Are Better Than Goals

By Shazad

“The purpose of setting goals is to win the game. The purpose of building systems is to continue playing the game. True long-term thinking is goal-less thinking. It’s not about any single accomplishment. It is about the cycle of endless refinement and continuous improvement. Ultimately, it is your commitment to the process that will determine your progress.”

James Clear

There is a lot of emphasis on productivity and 'getting things done'. It seems like many people are constantly working to finish unrelated tasks and endless to-do lists. This approach has been going on for too long and it's not working. We need to try something different; something that we can sustain over time.

The solution is to create systems or processes for doing things and to keep your energy flowing. It's not just about completing a single task, such as "Take out the garbage," but about creating a system for "keeping my house clean." Other systems could be "maintaining a healthy, active lifestyle without pain," or addressing your rest and relaxation goals. Perhaps you want to create a system for the type of retirement life you want to have by the time you are 60 or older. Whatever that bigger picture looks like for you, write it down, create tasks related to it, and then develop a systematic approach to achieving success through a system. It's not a "one and done" approach. You'll have to continually invest effort and resources into the system, but the results will be even better than you expect. Over time, thinking in terms of systems leads to much greater outcomes and happiness. Daily tasks are part of something important that you are constantly building, refining, and running rather than crossing something off a list.

Systems can be automated and copied. Systems can also be studied for improvement and adapting to different events or parts of life. When you have a system for doing something, you don’t have to think so hard about it which takes some stress out of the whole process.

Whether it's your personal life, your health and fitness, or your financial dreams, you need to build a system to help you achieve success. Life is a process of growth and learning, and the systemic approach aligns naturally with the way things work. Having a system means you can create something now and continue to run it for years, while making necessary adjustments along the way. You're never truly "done" as long as you're alive, and that's where the enjoyment comes in.

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The Unexpected Benefits of Boundaries and Limitations

By Shazad

Humans generally hate being reminded of their limits or told there are boundaries to things. We like to rightfully challenge the very idea of restrictions to our thinking and behaviour. It’s natural for a person to want to say and do whatever they want without fear of some fine, censorship, or worse. Sometimes a limitation or boundary is exactly what is needed to make things work and even encourage better thinking. I want to explore some of these scenarios with you.

In sports, boundaries literally define the playing field. The players and observers both know what is IN vs OUT of bounds in the game. It prevents unnecessary arguments by having some lines clearly marked and some officials paying attention to those violating boundaries. Our lives need a similar definition of what is and are not acceptable behaviour in ourselves and others. We also need clear guidelines on how much is enough regarding food, play, work, exercise, and money. We can tailor our lives to suit our needs but there is no denying we need to know the limits of the game we are playing or the scope of the thing we are spending our effort on. Without these, we risk going all over the place and abusing time, money, energy, and life itself!

How do you encourage creativity and teamwork in kids or adults? You tell them there is a limited time to play or a limited budget that can be allocated to a project. You may say that there are only so many people that can be in a group or, you may have a technology limitation. Whatever the restriction is to the resources people have, they tend to find a way through a problem in some incredibly imaginative ways. Sometimes it’s not the most experienced or best financed that succeeds. It can be those that are under-financed or totally new in the market. They figure things out despite all the financial constraints. Many great inventions from cars, planes, personal computers, and online services were a result of creativity winning the day for cash-strapped and unknown people who brought something to life and shared it with the world. You can view your limits the same way. Creativity is available to us all. Celebrity status, a Million-dollar bank account, attractive looks, and royal ancestry are not.

The human mind loves a challenge and there is no better way to get a person going than to tell him or her that they can’t do something yet. Maybe you tell them that they are not tall enough, old enough, or “European” enough. Whatever labels others put on us or we think about internally require some mental gymnastics and physical labor to overcome. We started this discussion admitting that humans absolutely detest being restricted and desire freedoms of all kinds but we end up in a situation where all life itself has depended on humans being challenged as individuals and groups, in order to evolve. We could not have created global companies full of diverse people if we were not challenged to live together with other classes, races, and speakers of different languages. By facing such challenges, humanity grew and so did its capacity to generate wealth, and create products and services which improve both education and healthcare. The International efforts to create peace, go to space, and clean up the environment are all examples of sections of humanity being challenged by very big problems they didn’t create on their own but which require the global population to address. No one nation or even one giant company can do it all, and that’s why cooperation is needed. One challenge leads to another and we agree that we can’t make things happen on our own. Together, we can succeed and also thrive despite the limitations.

I’m a big believer in an open mindset and letting people (mostly) do what they want to do as long as it’s not hurting others. At the same time, I have learned to appreciate not only the need for limits but also their immense value at work and personal life. I cannot imagine a world where there were no boundaries on the road or restrictions on how water, air, and soil can be used. It’s completely unimaginable to think about unlimited free time for kids to play online or for people to work every hour of the day, 7 days a week. In so many ways, limits and boundaries save humanity from tyranny, confusion, and loss. Consider what your healthy and useful limits are in all aspects of your life. Use them to thrive every day!

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Do You Need To Go To Jail To Fix Your Life?

By Ahsan

“In my country, we go to prison first and then become President.”

Nelson Mandela

Every once in a while, I will find something to binge-watch, and my latest, yet infrequent, indulgence was a Netflix series called Unlocked: A Jail Experiment.

The eight-part show chronicles the story of several men in an Arkansas Detention cell block who get to stay unlocked, with no guards to supervise them so they can move around the cell block areas, versus 23: 1.

The 23: 1 means you are locked in your cell for 23 hours daily and get one hour to be "free" outside of it.

Strangely, I have always been fascinated by jailhouse movies. The first one I watched was Escape from Alcatraz, and my other favourite is Shawshank Redemption. Both films are set in a bygone era.

What drew me to this series was the opportunity to examine the psychology of men in the current time, when social norms, conditions, and values are different from those of the 1960s and 1980s. If I were in the shoes of a person locked up in jail, what might I feel, and how might it affect me in the end?

In the series Unlocked, the life-changing experiment is a success, and the men's lives are changed for the better because it gives them time to reflect on their lives.

And that is why jail is not a bad thing for some people if that’s what it takes to make them turn around in life. (I'm kidding, and yet maybe not)!

Each episode unfolds with the ups and downs of this experiment. Who will lead the others? Will they end up turning on each other? How does a den of thieves, drug dealers, murderers, and ne'er-do-wells cooperate to live the good life?

The story gets interesting as you begin to see each man's back story and the things they begin to realize about themselves as they reflect.

One particular moment that made an impression on me was when the Sheriff addressed the men and said something like, "Don't let your indictment define you." This is true for all of us, even though we may never go to jail with metal bars or iron doors with digital locks.

We live better when we realize that who we are is a reflection of our past experiences and personal choices and that what lies ahead depends on how we think about those past experiences and choices and how we make conscious changes for our betterment.

That is what life boils down to. Your past, your choices, how you think about said past and choices, and what conscious changes you can and will make going forward despite your past and historic choices! Call this the nut-shell of life!!

In each case, these men all seemed to have the same underlying issues: lack of guidance from strong mothers and fathers growing up, lack of opportunities for structure in their daily life as children, living around criminal and depressed economic environments, becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol and not having real mentors to guide them. This is not an indictment or general summary but a list of prevailing commonalities among these men.

The good news is that the reflection process that is spurred by the Sherrif's experiment to let them govern themselves and have greater agency gave these men the light-bulb moment that they could improve their lot. All of them have a seed of greatness that you begin to see emerge!

What's the lesson in this binge-worthy series? Going to jail can be a wonderful way to turn one's life around, but you and I should probably do your best as a free bird.

The different men under lock and key appear to finally see the reason for their current state and realize they can change things. I am rooting for all of them and all of you out there, to live Awesome Lives. Even if you may not have started that way.

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What Are You Teaching Your Kids?

By Shazad

“Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.”

Anonymous

“Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.”

David Bly

“In any given moment we have two options: To step forward into growth or to step back into safety.”

Abraham Maslow​

In a world where everyone is bombarded by advertising and celebrity influencers, it’s challenging to be a good parent. It is not impossible but it’s definitely harder now than ever. Someone is always sending messages to kids whether it’s online or in person. We might as well sort this out and figure out what key messages we want them to learn and understand.

The first message I want to teach my son is that its ok not to succeed, to get frustrated, to fall short despite giving it your all. What’s not ok is not trying or slacking off. There’s no excuse for not showing up and when you do, not giving your best result in whatever task you have been given. Don’t sleepwalk through school or that summer job. Don’t avoid doing the required work and taking on challenges. Keep striving and learn to enjoy the process as much as you do the Winning!

The second key message I would tell him is to focus on learning all the time. Even when something doesn’t work out and is a complete flop. What happened? What are some reasons for that failure or negative result? What part of the outcome was up to you and what things were out of your control. Putting things in context when something doesn’t work out avoids the blame game and also the self-hating behaviour that can develop over time.

The third message I would repeatedly remind my son is that, no one has it figured out every step of the way and to the 'n’th degree. We are all trying to make sense of the world and the constant change. We can only do our best by planning, staying aware of what key things are shaping our world, and being willing to adapt so we can grow into the kind of person that the moment requires us to be. Living according to principles doesn’t mean being dogmatic or rigid. It does mean we have a solid foundation upon which we function but we also have flexible thinking to help us manage things. That is the best combination of skills to have.

What are some of the things you wish your parents taught you when you were younger and what key lessons or messages will you share with your kids at each stage of their lives? All parents are teachers and the best “influencers” for their kids so don’t forget to do your part. They are counting on you!

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How To Notice A Miracle

By Ahsan

“Miracles happen every day, change your perception of what a miracle is and you'll see them all around you.”

Jon Bon Jovi

I found myself on a beach last week. I have only been to a beach a few times in my life, and this time, I witnessed a miracle!

So here is the scene. The water in front of me was the Ocean. The wind blowing was visible and palpable to my skin, and my hair was blowing. The sun was out and beaming warm because the clouds were sparse. The sky was blue, and the palm trees were like blowing ornaments in the picture frame of nature.

The sand was warmed by the sun and dry, so it felt nice to stand on it and squish my toes into it.

Suddenly, I witnessed a miracle.

What was the miracle? It came to me as a realization that all these unrelated things—sky, sun, wind, trees, water, clouds, and sand—exist everywhere in the world, but in this place, and at that moment, they came together like a musical symphony.

It was a miracle to experience a beautiful feeling while being on the beach!

The beach!

I knew I was in the midst of a miracle because I felt pure appreciation, calm, and happiness mixed together. How amazing is this? I think it is nothing short of a miracle.

However, Who put these separate things, elements, or pieces together on this earth is beyond me, but on that day, I witnessed a miracle.

And I am guessing you might also appreciate where I'm coming from.

Not all of us live in nature or close to it. My usual surroundings are urban and city-oriented. Now, I am sure that the miracle-making that I experienced is all around us if we care to notice, most pronouncedly in natural settings.

This experience was meant to be noticed by me in the way I did.

I hope it makes sense to you, as I have never written about such an experience before. My wish is that everyone who might read this short message experiences a similar miracle the next time they are at the beach, hiking in the forest, or trekking in the mountains.

What miracles await for us to see before the show is over? Remember, life is not a rehearsal. Get out there and witness more miracles. Better yet, try to create some too for other people to witness!

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More Training Is NOT the Answer

By Shazad

“Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”

Maya Angelou, Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now

Hustle culture and the constant need to be "always on" is a major problem in today's society. There are many people who don't put in enough effort and time and end up regretting the way their lives turned out. However, there's also a group of people who are constantly engaged, plugged in, and on the verge of breaking down, despite their best efforts to stay in shape and on top of their game. This post is for them.

It's perfectly fine to want to train and be productive, and to strive for high achievement. However, where people often go wrong is when they want to do this all the time, day after day, week after week. Human beings were not meant to work or train at the gym constantly. The exercise we do requires sufficient rest time to recover and grow into a stronger version of ourselves. Our jobs and businesses also require us to take breaks and step away from work in order to refresh ourselves and come back stronger.

Always working or always being lean and shredded is not sustainable or even healthy. At the end of life, no one is likely to say, "I wish I spent more overtime at the office" or "I wish I had lower body fat." Even professional athletes have an off-season, and so should you. Taking time off from training and work is actually beneficial, and it's important to go on vacations and unplug from work every once in a while. Take up a hobby or read a relaxing book, or just spend time with friends and enjoy where you are in life.

What's the point of all that training or all those hours at the office if it leaves you exhausted, miserable, and addicted to more? This weekend, and at least once every three months, take a step back. Do something fun. Find peace in reflection, relaxation, and spending time with friends instead of constantly grinding away at work. You won't regret it!

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