Live Awesome!
How To Avoid The Easy Road To Misery
By Ahsan
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” Mike Tyson, Heavy Weight Champion Boxer
Our life is most enjoyed when things go exactly as we want them to.
We want certain things in life and want them to be as precise as planned. For instance, take the way you like to drink your coffee: freshly ground French roast beans, made in a French press, brewed for 4 minutes with two tablespoons of heavy cream and hot. When we get something different from what we want, like your favourite coffee but cold, our enjoyment is not the same.
The same goes for how we want people to be and things in life to go.
However, something is lurking around the corner that we cannot see.
That thing is CHANGE.
Everything is changing. Nothing stays the same. When things change, and we have difficulty accepting it, we begin the easy road to misery.
The proverbial punch in the mouth is unpleasant. The feelings of disappointment and pain need to be felt and processed. They should not be ignored or resisted, but they too end up changing. When we are lucky, change brings growth. Change can beget happiness. Change can lead to resilience.
You can prove this to yourself if you go into that great library and read the book My Life Experience. No one needs to prove this to you.
Indeed, the happiest among us are those who understand that life is full of changes. In their understanding is acceptance of change and not fearing it. Acceptance helps to elevate your outlook and directly affects how you come out of the change: resilient or fragile. Strong or broken. Scared or Brave.
As the Chinese proverb goes, “when the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills.”
Ok, so now we understand what boxers and philosophers mean about the effect of a change on our lives. We still don’t like change. In fact, we may never have been shown how to truly handle change.
Today, you will:
Action Steps:
1) Make a list of all the things that are going well for you: relationships, health, finances, work, fame, success, reputation, etc.
2) Anticipate how they could change and see yourself adapting and, most importantly, accepting it.
3) Consider how much you cling to and crave these things you identified in step one.
4) Resolve to cling less and crave less
5) Remind yourself that if anything on the list changes, you will be ready to deal with it. The ways and means will reveal themselves then, and you do not need to fret now.
6) Consider adding the life lesson of anticipating change, accepting change and adapting to change so that you live an Awesome Life!
May your life be full of happiness even when it changes.
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Are You A Mental Weakling?
By Ahsan
When an archer is shooting for nothing, he has all his skill. If he shoots for a brass buckle, he is already nervous. If he shoots for a prize of gold, he goes blind or sees two targets; he is out of his mind, his skill has not changed. But the prize divides him. He cares. He thinks more of winning than of shooting, and the need to win drains him of power. ¾ Chuang Tzu: Chinese Philosopher who lived 400 years before Christ.
Do you know that the source of all human misery is the same all over? What is it, you ask? I’m talking about the thing that is with you all day. It follows you around like a shadow, and it cannot be ignored.
It’s that voice you hear in your head.
We all start our day hearing the voice, and off it goes keeping us company until we conk out at night.
It would be fine if that voice gave us logical and lucid commentary, but 80% of its blather is nonsense. Not only is it nonsense, but it’s also random and mostly negative. And you and I get so caught up in it that we identify ourselves and our daily levels of happiness with it.
Here is what I think. Most of us are unaware of the power our mental chit chat has on us and need to become aware of it. Aware of what? Aware of our thoughts that only we can hear. This is what is meant by your thoughts determine your reality.
Coming back to Chuang Tzu, on one level, it seems he is talking about performance jitters on game day, but if you know a thing or two about philosophers, it’s probably a lot deeper than that.
Here is what I have in terms of a commentary on his allegory. The venerable Philosopher is talking about life and enjoying it.
How is that, you say? Simple. When your thoughts take you towards forcing people, circumstances or the weather to behave as you need them, you begin your journey to unhappiness, fear, anger and other such negative mental states.
On the other hand, if you use your archery skills and stay on target and not focus on hitting the target, you often hit the mark.
In other words, just allow your life to unfold and don’t force outcomes. You can certainly try, but you may find that you enjoy life instead of reacting to it like a victim if you drop this illusion.
How do you do this?
Try these action steps:
1. Take at least five times a day to reflect on how you feel and take over your mental chit chat by spending a few minutes in prayer or meditation. The best times will be waking up, just before sleeping and the other three spaced in between. During those few minutes, the technique will be to talk to God if you are praying and talk to yourself if you are meditating.
2. During your prayer or meditation, become aware of your thoughts. Knowing that the vast majority of them are random and malicious, ignore them and try instead to think logically about your feelings and lucidly. Relax your body, focus on your breathing and all that good stuff but most importantly, interrupt your galloping thoughts and make the horse slow down and pull the reign right as needed.
3. Become aware of yourself in a self-observational way. That is, notice your thoughts and notice your surroundings as though you are observing someone else.
4. Practice this daily. In the next seven days, you will get 35 opportunities to hone your new skills!
So, can it be said that you are a mental weakling if you become more aware of your thoughts? If you care to enjoy life more fully, live fearlessly, be more of your true self, have more mental poise and peace…re-read this article and verbally explain the concepts to at least one person you care about.
If you liked this article and know someone who is goal-oriented and should read this, please share it on your social media and suggest they visit www.awesomelifebook.com to subscribe to our email list. As a bonus, they will get our free report “HOW TO DEVELOP A DIAMOND HARD MINDSET.”
Why Leaders Need to Thank the Parents
By Shazad
Indra Nooyi, is the CEO of PepsiCo and she inspired this blog post. Nooyi writes more than 400 letters each year to the parents of her senior executives. I think all leaders need to be doing the same thing to drive better team results and a deeper connection with their leadership. It doesn’t matter if you manage a small team of rising stars or you are a C-level leader of seasoned executives. If your current team is doing well with each member contributing their best to their individual career, you can appreciate their efforts and reward them accordingly as well as mentioning their achievements to their parents.
You should consider all the efforts of the parents of the people under your command and how it shaped them. It’s most likely that your team and you yourself have been significantly impacted by the kinds of parents you had. Their struggles and sacrifices to raise, educate, and motivate kids are powerful in creating a great human being. Isn't this worth acknowledging?
By spending some time appreciating the parents of each successful member of your team, you are validating the power and influence of elders in creating the awesome person you hired and manage today. In most cases, it won’t replace a bonus or pay raise for the best employees but it will definitely create a stronger bond of respect with leaders who make that habit of reaching out to and praising the parents. This can result in a more cohesive and engaged team which is very critical to everyone's success.
It’s not just an Eastern culture courtesy to consider the parents or elders and teachers in our lives. It is a very human quality of gratitude and appreciation. Every leader should also take the time to personally acknowledge their own parents and other elders who helped you become the person they are today. You could not have done this without them and they deserve to know this!
Time for A Gut Check
By Shazad
When something feels wrong, people often say they have a gut feeling about it being so. The human gut is indeed like a second brain and where most of our immune system lives. A healthy digestive system means overall wellbeing. The opposite is also true so if things don’t feel right in the stomach for whatever reason, get things checked out. It could be an early warning sign that you need to make some small or big changes.
Time for everyone to listen to their gut on a regular basis. It knows a few things that the rest of the body can benefit from.
Dare to Dream Again
By Shazad
Remember how you used to dream about life and what you would become when you grew up? How many of you actually reached your dream job or dream life? What stopped you? Have you stopped dreaming altogether?
Revisit your past and what you said you wanted to accomplish. Now look at where you are at today and how things compare. Is it better, worse or the same as what you imagined your life would be like?
If it’s not where it should be for you - change it! Start dreaming again and write things down. Draw ideas and pictures of what it’s supposed to look like so it’s out of your head and in your hands to see every day. Make dreams come true by taking action on pursuing the dream that you have written down. If it’s important and still relevant to your life today, you’ll find a way to make it happen.
Will you dare to dream of the possibilities?
Are You Sailing Through Life?
By Ahsan
“It’s not death that man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” Marcus Aurelius
May I ask you a question? Is life easy, or is it hard?
Please consider this one-word answer: NO.
So, if life is not easy and also not hard, are you sailing through life?
Your answer is likely to be sometimes I do, and at other times I don’t. However, my mate, as your Skipper, allow me to give you some lessons from the world of sailing so that you start to sail through life always!
I have had the fantastic privilege of reading Michael Singer’s book, The Untethered Soul. This book is a must-read. The author uses many analogies and among them is the analogy of living life with a sense of ease and sailing.
Think about this for a second. To sail, all you need is some wind, and off you go. Correct?
Well, actually, as Michael Singer points out, you can have wind, but if your sail is not up, you go nowhere. The same goes if your sail is up, but there is no wind.
Furthermore, to keep your ship sailing to its destination, you need to not only adjust your sails, but you also need to do it just right. If your sail is too stiff and tight, a hard wind can tip your boat over. If, on the other hand, it is too loose, you won't catch the wind.
And this becomes the analogy for life. You and I do not control life, nor do we control the wind and how hard it blows.
What we do control is how we adjust the sails. And this is exciting if you think about it. How fun is life when you understand that you can sail through it by controlling what you can.
If you want to sail through life, you need to lean into the wind and not resist the weather but rather work with it. Come rain or shine, blustering winds or terrifying tempests, your best action is to react appropriately and avoid getting all caught up in the moment.
If your life, like mine and other people, is great one day and not so great the next, you will like this analogy and will probably not forget it soon. The more you share the sailing analogy, the more you will remember it and ingrain its beautiful message.
What’s more, I am going to share three action steps to make sailing through life a breeze. No pun intended!
Action Steps:
1) Life is full of stress. Accept it and if you like, in moments of stress, say to yourself that you are having fun. This will convert a moment of frustration into a feeling of exhilaration. Walk into the room, feeling your best.
2) Keep a mindset of letting life happen and not resisting it or trying to make it go your way. Over time, you will feel more joy at allowing life to happen and playing your role as an active and willing participant.
3) Stick with this idea of adjusting your sails as life gets windy. Going with flow and adjusting to the wind will lead to a more comfortable life even when it is hard one.
If you liked this article and know someone who is goal-oriented and should read this, please share it on your social media and suggest they visit www.awesomelifebook.com to subscribe to our email list. As a bonus, they will get our free report “HOW TO DEVELOP A DIAMOND HARD MINDSET.”
Education vs. Learning
By Shazad
You may have heard this before but it’s worth a review. Education is not the same thing as learning. The former is part of life and a requirement to advance in life. The latter is what makes life fulfilling and enables a person to excel in life.
Education is about attending a school or some program to achieve a desired outcome like a diploma, degree or a certificate. Some of these may expire and others are good for the lifespan of the student who completed the education. It’s important but it’s just a foundational skill we need to have to build a life on top of the many things school teaches us.
Learning is the act of formal and informal acquisition of knowledge which is applied. When you learn something in an authentic way, you are not just listening to data or facts and making notes about something. You are actually processing the information and making sense of this. You are forming an opinion or point of view about the knowledge. It should inspire you to make some life changes based on the learning. These can be very profound and will definitely have a lasting impression on the rest of your life starting with the day you learn something.
The most Awesome thing about Learning is that anyone can do it. You don’t need a formal classroom, tuition fees or even a world class professor. You just need to be willing to observe, think and make decisions about the world around you. Every day is a learning opportunity because there is something going on every day in our home and the community. You just need to pay attention, learn how to look up relevant information in books or online and possess critical thinking skills to sort through what is relevant vs what is incorrect or unnecessary info.
Your formal education may have ended 20 years ago when you finished that Bachelors or Masters degree. Your learning never stops as long as you are alive. I personally believe my University experience was the training ground to lifelong learning. I’m grateful I had an opportunity for formal education at 2 Universities and a Community College. I’m even more grateful for the passion I have learning many more things, correcting my thinking, and being a better person every year. Never stop learning!
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Crisis As A Gift
By Shazad
We can take the current moment or any other time of disruption and confusion as a tragedy to be avoided or something else. I challenge you all to see it as a time of opportunity to help others get back to business, work, and life in general. There are at least 3 tools to employ if you want to make the most of a crisis and I’ll share describe each of them below.
The first thing that should come to mind is Creativity. How can you do more with less? How can you get around the obstacles and challenges of the current moment? Make a list of all the new business opportunities or just simple ideas to solve problems that come to mind each day.
The second thing is your inner strength and Resolve to succeed despite the odds. How committed are you to what you believe is your mission at work, business, and life? Write out your mission statement by hand on paper and review it when you start your day or a new project for work. Your actions will be tempered with your mission statement and you will likely find more inner strength each day to keep going.
The third tool related to both of the above is Personal Growth. This is a theme of Awesome Life and our overall mission with all like-minded followers of our content. See the current moment as an opportunity to stretch and grow even more than you could if everything was ‘normal’ or running as expected in the work, at school, or in society in general. Take the challenge to grow yourself by treating the crisis as a gym for your mind, body, and soul where you go each day to work out and develop the muscles you need for tomorrow and the next day. Humans have always risen to the challenges of their times and become smarter, better, and more self-aware when they chose to grow through the circumstances rather than shrink and give up.
So, how are you going to use these tools to make sure you come out of 2020 a more creative, resilient, and stronger person than you ever thought you could be? The time for Awesome is now!
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Define What Awesome Looks Like
By Shazad
We all want to have something awesome or be part of something awesome, but what does that mean?
The truth is that it’s going to be different for different people. It will likely change for you depending on your age and life circumstances. So what can you do if you really want more awesomeness in your life?
First and foremost, you need to define what that Awesome is for you in as much detail as possible. Next, explain why it’s so Awesome for you with 3-5 qualifying statements. Third, what are you going to do about it now that you know what it is and why it matters to you? This is where you get to plan your next steps to make your definition of Awesome come into reality.
Now get out there and make Awesome happen for you!
Plant Some Seeds
By Shazad
It may not be the time to actually plant any fruit or vegetable seed right now but you can still plant seeds. Ideas, good deeds and good works are all seeds you can start “planting” every day.
Now more than ever, we need more positivity and goodness in the world. It starts with you and your habits. How you talk, think and act are the ‘seeds’ you are sowing every day. Making choices about how you behave with other people is like creating a garden for you and others to interact with.
The better you care for your garden and the things planted within it, the better your experience will be. Overtime, you will need to water this garden and protect from harmful insects and disease. The act of caring for your garden on a regular basis is the necessary daily work in order to have a healthy garden. In the same way, having a healthy life requires your daily work in your personal ‘garden’.
So, what seeds are you planting today for a beautiful garden?
Can You Find Happiness Or Does Happiness Find You?
“Happiness is like trying to catch a butterfly. That butterfly is not going to land on your shoulder and jump in your hand. But if you try to capture it with a butterfly net, you can do it!”⎯Bilal Ahmad
By Ahsan
Once upon a time, there was a little boy who was born into the most adverse time of history and who had no advantages of circumstance. He grew up amidst tough people and never received any help other than a kind word. Those who knew the little boy were certain that he would live a life of hardships and disappointments.
The reality of his life was adversity, but the outcome was prosperity. The little boy grew up to be among the most honoured of men and remarkably, the happiest too.
What did he do to end up this way?
Did he find happiness, or did happiness find him?
The answer lies in how he approached his life and may inspire you to do the same.
In his mind, he instinctively knew that he was not to blame for his circumstances and that all he could do was try to improve them. So, he looked around to see what other successful and happy people did in times before, and he simply copied their recipes.
Another way of thinking he developed was that happiness is something a person creates as opposed to something you get when everything is going your way. He learned this from watching his neighbors that were even poorer than him but always happy with whatever they had.
Finally, in his life, many things occurred that were entirely outside his control, and he noticed that the “old normal” never came back. He saw that the people who thrived in the “new normal” were people who adapted, learned new skills and made themselves emotionally strong.
Action Steps:
Have a purpose in life, a vision and a plan. Work on this a little bit every day of your life. You may like to also pray to your Creator for guidance, help, and resolve.
Identify happy people and use their example and mindset for yourself. If they can see the silver lining, so can you.
View change as the seed of new growth. Life is not in your control. The reason we have hardship, natural disasters and loss is so we might develop individually or even collectively.
Ask yourself if you are taking responsibility for your happiness or expecting it to land on your shoulder.
You see, the notion that you will be happy when this happens or when a particular person does that is never going to work.
Happiness is not an outcome that finds you! You find happiness by adopting the ways mentioned in this helpful article. Feel free to add a few ideas of your own to the list and keep them on your bathroom mirror to review every day!
If you liked this article and know someone who is goal-oriented and should read this, please share it on your social media and suggest they visit www.awesomelifebook.com to subscribe to our email list. As a bonus, they will get our free report “HOW TO DEVELOP A DIAMOND HARD MINDSET.”
If You Can Do This⎯Your Life Will Change!
By: Ahsan
Many wise people have said that if you can focus your attention on something with proper concentration, you will achieve extraordinary results.
How good is your ability to focus?
All of us have had plenty of time to think about our lives and our goals more than usual as we try to stay safe in these uncertain times.
When things get back to normal, we will be able to really “go for it” and achieve our big important goals.
Or will we?
There will be those that do and those that don’t.
Increasingly, you will hear about people who wasted their lock-down time because they got caught up with too many distractions. They were unable to sit down and put their minds on a task or project for any length of time. As a result, their goals remained wishes and mere dreams.
In other words, they lacked FOCUS.
Many super successful people will tell you that they attribute their success to their ability to FOCUS.
If you think multitasking and checking emails and Instagram while you are supposed to be working on a project, working on your plan or even working out is harmless, you, my friend, should try staying focused.
Focus is perhaps the most critical ingredient for success, yet most folks are not aware of its power. People might think otherwise if they understood F.O.C.U.S.
Fanatic. Optimization. Creating. Unlimited. Success.
Here are three things that combine in making FOCUS your ally in achieving your big important goals BIGs and making you a legend!
The first is knowing your rocks in the jar. By now, you may have heard about how the teacher asked the students to fill a jar with rocks, then some pebbles after the rocks, then some sand after the pebbles, then some water after sand to prove that the jar was not full when the rocks were added. Using the visual demonstration, the teacher made the point that we need to fill our day with the big and important rocks and not the small pebbles or grains of sand if we want to get ahead in life.
So, know what rocks you need to fill in your jar of life and work on those a bit every day.
The second thing to do is refine your To-Do list. We all have a list, but it may be filled with fluff and nonsense that is not helping us achieve our larger goals in life. Make sure your To-Do list is at least 80% geared to things that are aligned with your BIGs. Otherwise, you will be dealing with the grains of sand and never get to the rocks.
The third thing to bring in focus is FOCUS.
When you have a To-Do list, you will naturally want to start knocking things off the list. When you do, you get a feeling of satisfaction and happiness (dopamine hits). However, if you start something on the list, you know, and I know that it is better to stay with the task/project and not let yourself get distracted. Stay focused so that you will get things done.
FOCUS will be the fuel that ignites the rocket into orbit. FOCUS will separate you from the masses of dreamers and talkers. FOCUS is the secret behind living life to the fullest with fanatical optimization creating unlimited success!
If you liked this article and know someone who is goal-oriented and should read this, please share it on your social media and suggest they visit www.awesomelifebook.com to subscribe to our email list. As a bonus, they will get our free report “HOW TO DEVELOP A DIAMOND HARD MINDSET.”
What Mode Are You In?
By: Shazad
Quick! What are you doing right now and what ‘mode’ are you in? Could you answer this clearly and with just a few words? How about a single word? To answer this, let me define mode as the combination of thinking and behaving that you are engaged in. Another way to think of this is a pattern of behaviour or way of being.
So, what mode are you in?
To answer this, consider that we are always in some kind of mode at all times. We can be in multiple modes throughout the day whether we are working, playing, relaxing, or volunteering. We are in a certain state of mind that can be identified. Some of the many modes you could be are, the Caregiver, the Problem Solver, the Empathizer, the Thinker, the Marketer, the Preacher, and the Ruler. If you examine your life and try to summarize most, if not all, of your days, could you come up with just 3 modes that describe what you are doing at any given time? I tried this and came up with Thinker, Teacher, Coach or TTC for short. I believe I’m doing any one of these things whether I’m awake or asleep.
Why bother doing this?
Knowing your own ‘operating mode’ helps you to align your actions, words, and thinking, as well as your schedule. It creates clarity and gives you specific ways to look at a problem without necessarily having strict boundaries that hamper creativity.
A person who has too many modes often lacks focus and peace of mind. A person with too few modes may lack fulfillment and purpose in life. Having just the right amount - about 3-5 modes as a maximum, means you will likely achieve all of your life goals in a meaningful way.
It’s ok to change modes as you change roles in life and generally get older. Having more life experience, wisdom and self-awareness will definitely change how you think about life and what you consider important. Naturally, your modes will change through the refinement of ideas or completely changing your mind and having entirely new modes to be in.
So, give it some thought and be prepared to stop yourself at any point and ask, “What Mode am I in?”.
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I'm CURIOUS...What Would Steve Think?
By: Shazad
A friend of mine, who I met through some Executive Coaching classes at the office also has a very interesting podcast. It’s called the Natural Curiosity Project and Dr. Steven Shepard is the creator. Steve is an author, photographer, public speaker, and also a great storyteller. You can find out more about Steve here: www.shepardcomm.com
Within hours of being in Steve’s first training session, I was hooked on the way he explained things and the diverse life experiences he spoke about. I become seriously curious and wanted to know more about this man who I consider a true Polymath. He inspired me to also be more curious about things and it started with being more curious about him. I was fascinated to learn of the many places Steve has been to and the various projects he’s worked on. He reminds me of Indiana Jones, David Attenborough, and Simon Sinek all rolled into one. This is perhaps why I find Steve to be so fascinating as a human being.
As children, we are very curious and it makes learning possible. At some point in our teens or after college, we stop being so curious about things and that’s a shame. By ending our natural curiosity of things in adulthood, we nearly cut-off the ability to have creative thoughts, empathy towards another person’s point of view and, the ability to experience profound personal development. In short, we stop living a full and rich life.
If you aren’t curious about people with different points of view, the origin of current customs and beliefs, or the reason people behave the way they do, you aren’t really getting the most out of life. If you want to understand the present and know what the future could look like, you need to be curious about people, history, geography, and nature. There are clues everywhere!
I meet a number of interesting people in life through work and my hobbies but not so many real polymaths who demonstrate a sincere wonder about the world and how it works. Anytime I’ve been feeling a little stuck or lacking in growth, I remember my friend Steve and ask myself, “What would Steve think about this issue?”. It’s because of his vast experience, wisdom and practical advice that I often think of what his point of view may be on a topic. When I do, I am compelled to open my mind and let my curiosity flow. This has often resulted in more compassion, understanding, and awareness. Aren’t you curious to know how much better your life could be?
Why Changing Your Mind is a Good Thing
By Shazad
“I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change”
Lyrics from Michael Jackson, “Man in the Mirror”
Children do it, World Leaders do it and everyone in between does it too. Having a preference or opinion and then changing that at some later time is a perfectly natural thing and should be welcomed under the right circumstances. I’m going to explain that and let you decide if you have changed your mind about your opinions in the past and if you think that’s ok.
The first good reason to change one’s mind about something is new information. When we know better, we should do better and talk better as well as thinking better. We should never be stubbornly stuck on a path because we found our forefathers doing it or because everyone in our circle of friends is doing something. Get out of groupthink and become an independent Thought Leader when you have the best information.
The second good reason to change your mind is when the situation changes. For example, due to recent COVID19 pandemic, we should all be washing our hands more often and keeping some distance from people. This is precaution to prevent the spread of the virus and is a temporary condition. Other times, a change of action is more permanent due to a more dramatic event such as Climate Change. In this case, we should all consider our impact on the environment in our lifetime and act to improve the planet instead of behaving as we did before we knew about Climate Change.
The third good reason to change is when you are no longer the same person as before. When you are a teenager, your thoughts are different than when you are a mature adult with life experience. The same goes for when you are married vs single or employed vs. Being in business for yourself. There are so many times when we have a fundamental identity change due to time or the roles we have in life. It’s perfectly reasonable to have a mindset shift when your role changes. In fact, it should be required to change and develop yourself further.
So there you have it. Changing your mind is neither bad, harmful, or something to be afraid of. It’s proof of your growth and self-awareness developing in this journey called life. Make that change!
Here Is The Most Amazing Yet Most Dangerous Story Ever!
By Ahsan
No one could explain the reason why she started crying in the middle of the country fair.
It was a beautiful sunny day. There was a rush of people all around, children laughing and families enjoying the rides and delicious treats like mango milkshakes, spicy corn on the cob, and funnel cakes, topped with strawberries and drizzled with maple syrup.
Elanor was a beautiful young woman. She had big expressive eyes, curly hair, a radiant smile, and she came from a mixed heritage, half Italian and half Japanese. And she had a great personality on top of it all. From the outside in, you could say she was blessed: an excellent reputation as a person, family, friends, a decent career and interests, and hobbies that gave her meaning.
But that was not the real story.
Elanor wished she could be someone else. Everyone else she knew enjoyed their lives and liked themselves. She could not bear the emotion of feeling inadequate and not being lovable. The life she lived was mostly one of feeling anxious and awkward with fleeting moments of temporary happiness.
In her mind, she needed to get away from the people whom she felt never really valued her or truly loved her.
To her friends, neighbours, and coworkers, she was a polite but timid person. But, in reality, Elanor could never get over how her friends ditched her in the first week of grade 9 and started their campaign of mental abuse. They convinced her that she was weird and that no one could ever like a person like her. And so, Elanor, for obvious reasons, as you will soon see, became the “shy” person that the rest of the world knew her as.
Perhaps, you can see what Elanor could not see.
She was the victim of her high school bullies. Emotionally, she was fragile. This much is true. But most importantly, she told herself the story that they wanted her to believe for 14 years, day after day. Had Elanor rewritten the event of her grade 9 life in the second week of grade 9, she would have lived a very different existence.
Unknown to the vast majority of people, our lives are influenced not by events or people but rather something else. The challenge we all face is that our lives are ruled by the story or stories we keep telling ourselves and the meaning we attach to them. But why is this so?
Let’s try something together: stay silent and stop reading this article for one minute.
Are you back?
What were you thinking during that one minute? I doubt it was nothing.
We all have a voice in our head that speaks to us non-stop from the time we open our eyes to the time we drift off to sleep. That voice is your constant companion; you cannot turn it off. It keeps talking to you and seems to have a mind of its own (LOL). However, you should understand that 80% of the thoughts it generates are mostly negative or meaningless, and the other 95% of it is predominantly random.
Unfortunately, people have what is called a “past.” Usually, in childhood or adolescence, something terrible happens that leaves a life-long effect on how we live the rest of our lives. That past becomes our present. By retelling specific stories and the meaning you attach to them, your life can either become heaven or hell.
These stories rule our life and reinforce their shadow on how we live our life, good or bad.
Ask yourself if this is true for you?
If it is, you will never break free of the story’s grip on your life unless you do something about it.
The positive stories we tell ourselves can lead to amazing things.
The negative stories may become outright dangerous.
Perhaps, all Elanor needed to do was say to herself that these girls are trying to manipulate me and rather than believe them, I will move on and make new friends even if I only find one who genuinely likes me for who I am. In this way, she would have given her mind a new meaning to the event and shrugged off the whole trauma she felt in that first week of grade 9.
Here is what you might like to do.
Try to rewrite the meaning of the story that is ruling your life.
Live the life you truly deserve. Not the one you are stuck within the present moment.
Actions:
Become aware of the voice that talks to you all day long and don’t believe at least 80% of it because most of that dialogue is nonsense.
Sit with a journal and write down the stories that you are telling yourself that you know are not preventing you from living in peace and joy. Identify the story that helps others to live joyfully and consider why can’t you also be that way?
Resolve to rewrite the story, especially the meaning of what you attach to it. Get creative and find positives, even if there are traumas and tragedies in the story. What happened 35 years ago, however bad, is now over. It is the past. This is a fact.
Repeat that new meaning every day so that you allow your mind to heal and move on. People mostly endure life; very few of us are truly living.
Remember that just like taking a shower every day, so that you can refresh your body, you need to also take control of your mind and the stories and their meanings daily. This is how to enjoy the fragrance of life.
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Long Term Thinking
By Shazad
Many people in this world are narrowly focused on what happens today or at most, tomorrow. It’s good to live in the present but we must also be thinking beyond the immediate. There needs to be some planning for what happens after the new job starts, the married life begins or that business launches. So much emphasis is on the interview preparation for a job, the elaborate planning of a wedding function, or the initial stock offering of a new company. We should spend at least as much time on what happens in the many months and years that follow these grand events in life. Being aware and proactive about our lives in the long term helps to keep momentum going and makes life more fulfilling.
We all need to live in the moment each day while also thinking how to make every tomorrow joyful and successful. We do this by fuelling our future life with all the gratitude, love, patience and resilience we can muster.
What Is The Definition Of Insanity?
“I’ve decided to make myself STRONG. As far as I can tell, that’s all I can do.” Haruki Murakami, Japanese writer, author.
By Ahsan
You have no doubt heard the famous saying: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. I have always thought that this makes sense but was never really convinced of its complete veracity. In my books, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is simply a sign of being foolish. Foolish people are not necessarily insane. I’m not. Allow me to shift the meaning towards a more interesting and possibly better answer to this question.
The definition of insanity is basing your personal happiness on what others do and what life throws at you. Dramatic Pause! (Thundering drum beats should be playing in your head) Do you know anyone who says: “I will be happy if so and so would stop doing that” or ‘once I achieve my goal of x or y I will finally be happy?” How foolish! How can you expect other people to behave the way you want them to? How can you expect the weather to be ideal for the picnic you planned? This kind of way of living can only lead to insanity, not happiness. In other words, you need to start accepting reality and face life so that your happiness is not affected.
Life's curveballs and the people in it are not in your control. Believe it or not, your spouse, and even your kids will not act in a way that is always going to make you happy! What happens tomorrow in your life could be pleasing or disappointing. You and I must accept this. The path to a happy life means accepting that life is unfolding and that your job is to handle whatever comes at you. Does this make sense to you? You need to become strong in your ability to handle things and not focus on the outside world. The world is not in your control.
The planet we live on has operated for nearly 5 billion years without your help. There is a plan in operation by an Unseen Hand; don’t bother yourself with trying to figure out why things happen. How you adapt to what happens to you will bring you true happiness. The outside goings-on does not matter as much as the inside goings-on of your mind. So….. What do you do?
Actions Steps:
Become a member of the club called: STRONG: Super Thinking Real Optimistic Never Gloomy
The price of joining the club is a “$100,000 initiation fee” and “$10,000 monthly dues” worth of strenuous personal commitment to become a STRONG version of yourself.
Do the work of making yourself strong inside and accepting what is happening outside as neither in your control or the determinant of your happiness.
Set aside twice a day, morning and evening to sit in solitude and either pray, meditate or repeat affirmations of things that are along the lines of "I am strong," "I appreciate living life," "My mind is in my control," "I am a winner" or whatever else empowers your mind and soul.
Make it a point to focus on having great days full of love, happiness, joy, and peace. Don’t spend your days wasting it on the lower emotions of fear, worry, anxiety, despair, depression or anger. Uncontrolled thinking will get you into trouble.
And there you go. Admit it. My definition just might redefine what insanity is. If you liked this article and know someone who is goal-oriented and should read this, please share it on your social media and suggest they visit www.awesomelifebook.com to subscribe to our email list.
Create the New Awesome
By Shazad
Many of you are probably wanting things to get back to “normal'“ now. You are tired of lockdown, limited social gatherings and the inability to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. I hear you!
Whenever you go through a crisis or difficult situation, don’t expect things to go back to the way they were. Many describe their daily routine as the ‘normal’. They often don’t like their daily routine and want to escape to some other way of living…until things change drastically and then those same people want their old life back. Ironic, isn’t it?
Instead of trying to go back in time (which you can’t) and then wishing life would be different, realize that this is your opportunity to be different - right now! Make an Awesome new routine for yourself despite your restrictions and the weirdness of your daily routines with the work from home, study from home, play at home and all the other things you have to do from home. Make a game out of these times and play to win! Be thankful for all the things you still have that you can’t live without. Make a plan to preserve some of those Awesome moments and routines and get rid of the nonsense and wasteful things in your life instead of carrying them forward. Optimize your family and friends time and become more people focused instead of wanting more ‘things’ to impress people you don’t even know online. By now, you should have realized who your real friends are and who you want to spend more time with so reduce time with everyone else.
Let’s come out of this crisis with strength, courage and a new way of living that is the best we have ever experienced! The New Awesome is waiting for you!
How Far Have We Come In The War Against Racism?
By Ahsan
O mankind, We have created you from a male and a female, and We have made you into tribes and sub-tribes that you may recognize one another. Verily, the most honourable among you, in the sight of Allah, is he who is the most righteous among you. Surely, All is All-knowing, All-Aware. The Holy Qur’an Chapter 49 verse 1
Just like you, I have been following the outrage concerning the needless and tragic death of George Floyd. The image of the police officer’s knee on Mr. Floyd’s neck will never be forgotten.
What happens next in terms of the worldwide acknowledgement of Racism and protest against it remains to be seen.
I have witnessed Racism having grown up in Toronto during the 70s and 80s. I have been called Paki and told to go home. I have also been looked at with disdain. The ideals of being equal may be preached by society at large but not wholly followed and may well never be, unless we move decisively towards a solution.
I am not sure what the overall solution should look like; however, I have a good story to share that may point the way.
In 1990, I visited Los Angeles to see my cousin. During that visit, I met Mr. Rahmat Jamal, the Vice-President of the Los Angeles Muslim Community. He was a 75-year-old black gentleman.
I mention his age so that you know what type of environment he grew up in. He lived through the 1920s as a child, the 1940s as a young adult and the 1960s as a middle-aged "black man in America."
In other words, Mr. Jamal lived through all the atrocities of segregation, whites-only restaurants and water fountains, unquestioned discrimination, sit at the back of the bus because you are "black" rule and the Civil Rights movement. When Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, Malcolm X and Muhammad Ali were making their mark, he was there.
My cousin and I met him on a beautiful sunny day for lunch. As we parked the car and were adding some coins to the parking meter, I asked him: “How many black brothers do we have in L.A.? He immediately answered, “none.”
I was confused for a moment and then realized I must have said something wrong. "None?" I replied. He then told me, pointing to the tire of the car. Have you ever seen anyone who’s skin colour looks like that tire? That tire is black. For that matter, have you ever seen anyone who’s skin is the colour of snow? That is white.
Mr. Jamal went on to say: “that people need to stop referring to colour and labels like black history, black pride and being black or white.”
In his opinion, this only further divides people and makes the problem of Racism permanent.
According to Mr. Jamal, the best way to address a person is by his name. If you don't know a person's name, you might refer to historical origins, for example, Greek or Pakistani or African. There is no need to use the label of colour.
I, for one, agreed then and do now.
We will need a multi-faceted solution to Racism, and we must continue to make this a global initiative. Hopefully, the death of George Floyd will not go in vain and will begin the same enthusiasm as the rush to find a vaccine against the current worldwide pandemic.
All men and women are humans first and created in tribes and sub-tribes, so that we may know each other. The only “best” people among us are those who excel each other in goodness, especially as it relates to helping other human beings.
Would you agree? You don’t need to be religious to appreciate this wisdom.
We have a long way to go to eliminate Racism. It is not an ideal that we must strive for; it is an absolute imperative—shame on anyone who harbours superior feelings based on their race.
We also need to be respectful of all human beings¾ not be racially tolerant. Tolerating someone based on their race is still a form of saying, "I will put up with you." How does that make sense or solve Racism?
We must personally become the best version of humanity that we can be, and want for our fellow beings what we want for ourselves.
Above all, society at large and governments, in particular, must uphold justice in their mutual dealings. Or else, they will lose this war.
So, how many black people live in your city?
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